Deciding on who to ask to be a bridesmaid or a groomsman can be one of the trickiest wedding planning decisions to make.
There may well be some people, e.g. siblings or life-long friends, who are an easy choice, but outside of this it can all become a lot more ambiguous.
Your wedding day will be one of the most special days of your life; make sure the people you ask are those who will support you through this major life event, but who you also want to still know in 10, 25, 50 years!
Below I've put some questions that may well come up as you make these decisions.
- "How many bridesmaids/groomsmen should I have?"
There really is no perfect number. I know people who have had 1, often a sibling, and others who have had 6+. Lauren Conrad had 10! And if LC says it's ok, you know it's ok.
Basically, ask as many people as you feel is right for you, but do remember to take things like your budget into account, which I'll talk more about in the next question.
- "Do I have to pay for their entire outfit/hair/make up, etc?"
This is really up to you and your partner. Take an honest look at your budget (as covered in my last blog post), and see what you might be able to afford.
If you're working with a generous budget, then this is a great opportunity to treat and pamper some of your favourite people.
If you're working with a more modest budget, then do be honest with your bridesmaids/groomsmen. Explain that your budget isn't massive, and then say what you'd like to buy for them, and what you'd like them to cover themselves. Make sure to enable honesty both ways here, so that your bridesmaids/groomsmen can tell you if they aren't able to afford that £500 dress you've picked out for them to pay for!
Being involved in someone's wedding party is such an honour, but it can be really expensive too, so do make sure that your special day (or even the hen party/stag do!) won't be clearing out their bank accounts or putting them under financial strain.
- "If someone asked me to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen at their wedding, do I now need to ask them to be one at mine?"
In short, no.
I'm not going to lie, this could create some awkwardness, and maybe even some hurt, but most people will understand that there are lots of factors that go into choosing your wedding party. One factor could be your budget, as discussed above, or another could be that you want to have the same number of bridesmaids as groomsmen, or that you've fallen out of touch with someone since you were involved in their wedding.
It is true that some people will be upset by not being asked if they're expecting to be, but most people, particularly if they've been through the process of planning their own wedding, will understand.
If you do feel like there could be awkwardness, then you could always involve the person in another aspect of the wedding (e.g. doing a reading during the ceremony), or just bite the bullet and talk to them about it, explaining where you've come from in your decision not to ask them.
As you might be working out if you've read my other posts in this series, there's quite a lot of biting the bullet involved in planning a wedding!
Do you have any other questions on this subject that I haven't covered here? If so, please ask in the comments below and I'll let you know my thoughts.
Equally, if you have any wisdom to share on this then please do write it below for us all to see!
Lisa xx
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